Thou Shalt Not Complain

I had a good chuckle reading about the recent scandal at the University Of Saskatchewan, my old stomping grounds of higher learning. That venerable place of furry dog mascots, underground tunnels, and bizarre ritualistic warring between Ag and Engineering students.

 

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/saskatoon/university-of-saskatchewan-board-fires-president-ilene-busch-vishniac-1.2650301

University of Saskatchewan board fires president Ilene Busch-Vishniac

"The move to let Busch-Vishniac go comes after a flurry of criticism surrounding a decision to dismiss and end the tenure of a professor who openly criticized the university's leadership. That professor, Robert Buckingham, was returned to his teaching duties after Busch-Vishniac conceded the move was a 'blunder'."

And why was the professor fired? For having sex with several students? Nope. For publishing research from grad students as his own? Nada. For getting drunk and humping one of those dinosaur skeletons in the geology building? Sorry, no.

 

The prof got fired for something much worse. For complaining. Is there any greater sin to commit in Saskatchewan? Complaining is the first commandment in the Rectangle of Regression. Don't do it. It'll get you into a heap of trouble if you dare to, even within the supposedly world of free speech at the university.

 

Alma Mater STFU

 

If you've lived in Saskatchewan, you know what I am talking about. If you haven't (which means you are not currently wearing a T-Shirt that says "Not everything on the Prairies is flat") here's the low-down:

You simply do not complain in Saskatchewan. Ever. Anywhere. About anything. Still don't quite understand? Here's a helpful FAQ:

Q: I just bought a used Chevy Cobalt from a friend and the wheels fell off on the drive home. What should I do?

A: Nothing. Just be happy with your purchase of the new pace car of Saskatchewan. In fact, buy your pal a sixer of Pil as a gift.

Q: I ordered a double cheeseburger from McDonalds and it arrived with only one patty, and no cheese. What gives?

A: You obviously ordered the wrong item. You should apologize to the staff for your mistake.

Q: I just waited four hours to see a doctor at a medical clinic. Should I say that this is unacceptable in the home of public healthcare?

A: No. This is normal. Take one for the team.

Q: The cashier at the Co-op overcharged me for fishing bait. Should I demand the difference back?

A: And steal from your brothers and sisters? Just walk away and go fishing. That slimy old jack you catch will only taste that much sweeter.

Q: I just got back from Old Navy and they are out of cargo shorts. Who should I complain to?

A: Join the club. Cargo shorts are in hot demand here.

And for all other questions:

Q: Who should I complain to about ______?

A: Nobody. Go back to Alberta. This is Saskatchewan.

The nightmare lives on

Have you ever lived in Saskatchewan? Step into my nightmare...

I haven't been to Saskatchewan in almost five years. Yet I still sometimes have dreams - nightmares? - about what life was like there. That place, that evil, awful, nasty, hellish place. The rectangle of regression.

Yes, it happens. My mind wanders, usually when it is in a vulnerable, tired state. Numb. It goes back to that dark place. The cursed land.

I only go there when I am weak. Fragile. Sleeping. Having a bad dream. In Hell.

Saskatchewan

They see me rollin...

It happens. Maybe once every 3 or 4 months. I wake up in the morning. Or maybe it is my wife. One of us has done it. Dreamt of that place. That awful, mediocre province that shall not be spoken of.

Saskatchewan

Fuck. These dreams are the worst. They always remind us of what life was like there. Cold. Boring. Dirty. Plain. White. Mediocre. Fat. Did I say cold?

Saskatchewan

I still hate it.

If your tires won't stick, you must acquit

I love it. You can't make this kind of stuff up.

"Drinking when your truck stuck in mud is not DUI, judge rules"

"The fact that his truck was so deeply stuck in a waterfilled ditch that he couldn't drive out is what saved a 31-year-old man from a drunk driving conviction."

I'll spare you the details of this hard-hitting Start Phoenix investigative report - other than to note that justice prevails in Saskatchewan when it comes to the important things in life: mudding, giant 4x4s, beer, and small-town Sunday night house parties. You can be sure of that - this story of a guy who got stuck, drunk, arrested, then acquitted (in that order) is the most read story on the Star Phoenix website.

What I don't get it what was the cop's problem? What the hell else are you supposed to do when your truck is stuck in the mud in the middle of buttfuck nowhere Saskatchewan? That nice cold 8-pack of Pil' ain't gonna drink itself, now is it? No wonder the two ended up wrestling around in the mud. They probably shook hands after and became best buds.

Thankfully, justice was handed down by a judge. And be thankful it didn't go to a jury - can you imagine what would have happened had this case been decided by a group of this man's peers? How long would the deliberations have been? They would have spent weeks debating whether the truck got stuck because it was a Ford or a Chevy (with the accompanying Calvin pissing sticker). They also would have spent endless time arguing over whether the real culprit was the field - and the traction difference between canola and wheat. Even if they resolved that, another two weeks would have been spent arguing whether the policeman should be charged instead for killing a good buzz.

2013 Grey Cup Rider Fan Top Ten

Well, well, well. The Riders have won the Grey Cup. And they did it in Regina. I watched the game and I must say that seeing all those crazy rider fans sure brought back the memories. Hah! Who am I kidding, how could one forget the sheer madness that is the Rider Nation – that wonderful country of drunken lunatics with a oversized rodent as president.

At least he/she/it can ride a bike.

I’ve written before about my impressions of Rider fans before... not once, not twice, but three times (a turnover in CFL rules football). So, as a tribute to the Roughrider Grey Cup victory, here are the top ten pics of future Riderfan Hall of Famers (drum roll please).....

 

 #10

Nudity, a vuvuzela, oversized green sunglasses, and severely inebriated. Nope, no creature more annoying exists on earth.

 

#9

It was love at first sight. This husband and ??? met at a Rider game (we don’t know the sex of the other since the mask has never come off – and it never will as they won that day).

 #8

Watermelon helmets are not just for show in SK. They are considered an art form, as per this tasteful creation.

  #7

A Rider fan's take on Derek Zoolander's trademark look – "Green Steel."

 #6

The look of sheer pleasure on this gentleman's face is undeniable. Remember, it's not illegal if you do it at Mosaic Stadium.

#5

C'mon! The real green men are Canuck fans -  you know, the guys who taunt opponents in the penalty box. Couldn't Rider fans have come up with something more original?

#4

Er.... I take that back.

#3

They see me rolling … they hatin'

#2

Even dogs aren't spared from the lunacy. This poor pooch is too embarrassed to even show its face.

 

#1

Words cannot do justice. Only burps, grunts, snorts, and the sound of someone barfing.

 

 

Saskatchewan learns how to make a circle

Holy Jesus, it's been awhile since I thought about good ol' Saskatchewan. This is partly because you never see a Saskatchewan license plate in BC (due to natural physics as Pontiac Sunfires are incapable of crossing the Rocky Mountains without exploding into a dazzling ball of flame). No magic required there, just crappy GM engineering.

 

 

 

However, Internet is capable of passing where no Sunfire or hairy-footed hobbit can. Which is how I came across this magical story: Circle Drive is about to become..... well...... a......circle!

 

 

A complete circle. Wow. Look out Nostradamus, the original namers of this highway to nowhere have got one up on you, naming a circle that would become.... a circle... *chills*

 

Wait. Wait a god damn minute. Has anyone actually bothered to see what this "circled" drive actually looks like?

 

 

 

Circle Drive, you disappoint me. You are not a circle. You are a square. With a bad haircut to boot. And you are ten years late to the party (I can forgive the last bit as you are, after all, born and raised, from Saskatchewan).

 

But maybe I am short-sighted. Have I not considered the larger social good? Did I not think about all of those good east side people who will now be able to drive a shorter distance to the garbage dump... er-I mean future ski-hill? How dumb of me. Dwelling on shapes. What a jerk. A circle jerk, to be exact.

 

Do I have to eat the cracker?

A Recycled Story?

People who live in Saskatchewan can look forward to a number of things every spring. No, I am not referring to spraining your ankle in a gopher hole, nor seeing the mountains of dog pooh that are revealed by the melting snow, courtesy a winter’s worth of lazy dog owners. Nor am I talking about the dust bowls on all the streets that sandblast you until July, because it takes that long for the city sweepers to get to them.

I am talking about the debate over curbside recycling pickup. You see, Saskatoon is one of the few jurisdictions in the civilized world where there is no curbside recycling program. This is by choice, as every year it seems, city residents vote down proposals to institute a recycling program that would cost a few dollars a months per house. Instead, a majority of citizens vote no, and choose to continue to throw all their glass, plastic, and paper products into the trash to be hauled away to the landfill. The alternate is for residents to drive to a recyclable drop off site, most of which are located on the outskirts of the city. Neither option is very green, even if your Pontiac Sunfire has emerald flake paint.

What me worry?

Loyal fans of this blog will remember me covering this topic in an earlier post. Well, the debate is back and citizens are once again up in arms, with a vigour that would make Louis Riel shy away. You see, to most Saskatchewaners, recyclables are GARBAGE, pure and simple. Accordingly, who in their right mind should have to pay to sort their GARBAGE and put it in a blue box on the street corner for all to see? I mean, really, who can be bothered having to sort GARBAGE! Well, not these fine commenters on the Star Phoenix website.

STOP MANDATORY RECYCLING 1:33 AM on May 7, 2011
These things will undoubtedly land in the landfill: *** GLASS, STYROFOAM, LAUNDRY SOAP CONTAINERS, SHAMPOO/CONDITIONER, MARGARINE & YOGURT CONTAINERS, etc. are still going to the landfill AFTER You put it in your recycling container! WHAT A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY!
****Also many community gardeners would appreciate Yogurt & Margarine type containers for their gardening, so they are at least reused and nearly decomposed after years of reuse!
I AGREE!
"I pay property taxes for garbage collection and I pay to use the landfill."
"I do not get paid to sort garbage for the City!"
"If recycling is so economical then why is the city not PAYING me to recycle?"
****MEMO TO CITY COUNCIL****
WE ARE ALL ALREADY PAYING MORE THAN WE SHOULD BE FOR LACK OF GOOD SERVICES!
Keep your hands out of OUR wallets!

anon148658090 10:54 PM on May 6, 2011
I pay property taxes for garbage collection and I pay to use the landfill.
I do not get paid to sort garbage for the City!
If recycling is so economical then why is the city not PAYING me to recycle.
For example, Sarcan PAYS for recycled cans because it is cheaper to make cans from recycled aluminum.
Memo to City Council - I am paying more than enough already for crappy service! Keep your hands out of my wallet!

Rick951 5:05 PM on May 6, 2011
I sure hope that there will be an opt-out for people who choose to go with services like Loraas. I will be livid if the city expects me to double pay when I will not be using their service. I have no garage and no room in my house to sort garbage, so I will definitely stick to Loraas.
On top of that, the city's ridiculous "every second week" garbage pickup in the winter makes me loathe to give them any more money to run another waste program.

anon148658090 11:39 AM on May 6, 2011
So, the City is going to hire more unionized workers to collect and sort our garbage and stiff us with the bill!
Privatize the garbage collection!
How stupid are Saskatonians anyway. We need new bridges, new roads and repair of our old crumbling roads.
But, we have a 58 million dollar art gallery, a 5 million dollar windmill, and bike paths in a city covered in snow for 6 or more months of the year.
I will rest easy knowing that the City can't balance its budget, but at least no expense has been spared on my garbage!


Alas, maybe it is I who is short sighted. After all, the Blackstrap ski hill was created from a giant mound of garbage in the middle of a field. Again, the subject of another previous blog post. Maybe the opposition to a recycling program is actually part of a long-term plan for Saskatoon to develop a new provincial-class ski resort. Saskatoon Winter 2022 Winter Olympics anyone? Talk about deja vu!

Saskatchewannabes!

Hands off Saskatchewan. Yeah, I’m talking to you, Brad Wall. Ed Stelmach, take note. The Canucks are BC’s team (being in the Best Place on Earth has its perks).

Two of these things are not like the other...

Yeah, I know Saskatchewan has no NHL franchise – just those WHL Blades – but that doesn’t mean any old Saskatchewannabe can just waltz over to BC during the playoffs, don a jersey, and become part of Canuck towel power. Not even if you're the premier.

Instead, stick to doing what Saskatchewan does best – wearing watermelons on your head while getting hypothermia.

GO CANUCKS GO!!!!

One Less Reason to Love Saskatchewan

Damn you, Canwest. And damn you, Saskatoon Star Phoenix. If it wasn't for you, I could actually purge all memories of Saskatchewan from my brain. Instead, I get random newspaper feeds about Saskatchewan through my local news affiliate. This one particular story from the Star Phoenix online caught my eye:

"52 Reasons to Love Saskatchewan"

Of course, anyone who has lived in Saskatchewan will immediately be struck by such a statement. 52 reasons to love Saskatchewan? Are there really 52? Maybe they left out the decimal. Yes, 5.2 reasons sounds like a more appropriate figure. Clearly, the writer has not weighed the positives against the hundreds of reasons to hate Saskatchewan, so carefully noted in this blog.

But let's move beyond the numbers. Does everything on that list truly count as a reason to love Saskatchewan? This particular entry, #5 on their list, raised my eyebrow:

Woah. Stop. "Sculpture Garden?" That's what they call it? That empty field by the university full of creepy unfinished looking blobs of white cement? I must have walked by that place hundreds of times. It always struck me for three reasons:

1) The creepiness of it. That giant white hand with black nail polish coming out of the ground is just plain creepy. Just walk by it at night. The other sculptures range from slightly disturbing to full-on heeby-jeebies.

2) The waste of space. It was apparently built as a temporary display for an art show in 1993 and it's been there ever since. Why haven't they at least removed the sculptures, let alone developed the land, which is prime riverfront property. They could build student residences there to address the ongoing student housing shortage that one hears about every fall.

3) The sheer ugliness of it. I know taste in art is a subjective thing. But I've made art. Art is a friend of mine. Star Phoenix, those sculptures are no art.

Art to some; a giant pooh to others

If this is #5 on a list of 52, I can't imagine what other gems the Star Phoenix have in store for us. Stay tuned.

I HATE BC

NOT! Actually, if there ever was a reason to hate my new home, British Columbia (The Best Place on Earth, in case you haven't seen the license plate), it was because of this recent blast of cold weather that blew in from Saskabush. Yes, BC got quite the dump of snow this week, followed by chilling winds.

Shit Happens

I've begun to notice things like dog pee in frozen snowbanks and people walking around the mall in gum boots, which have reminded me of one thing... actually two things... 1) Saskatchewan, and 2) this terribly neglected blog.

I really care about one of these things so I've cobbled together a short post highlighting the differences between BC and SK when it comes to wintery things:

Wind Chill
BC: Wind what?
SK: The difference between wearing 3 or 4 layers of clothes

Snow
BC: A day off work! Sweet!
SK: Better shovel my walk before the city fines me

Ice
BC: What you see when you look out your window
SK: What you see on the inside of your window

Environment Canada Weather Warning
BC: You take your umbrella going to work
SK: You take your life into your hands going to work

Coarse Salt
BC: Used for seasoning fine food
SK: Used for seasoning fine driveways

Winter
BC: 3 months you don't have to mow your lawn
Sask: 7 months of your life you'll never get back

Hold Your Nose When You Do It

Those helpful folks at the StarPhoenix are launching an informative new online restaurant guide. They are asking for your help for a readers' choice category on favourite places to eat. I’ve decided to post, for my loyal readers, my submission to the survey. Bon appetit!

Do... I... have... to... eat... this?

1. What is your favourite overall restaurant in Saskatoon?
Does going back to complain about getting food poisoning count as a return visit?

2. Why is it your favourite restaurant?
Oh, that’s easy. McDonald’s. Because the food is prepared a continent away.

3. What is your favourite sports bar in Saskatoon?
Well, I’d say there are plenty of good sports to see at any bar in Stoon. Go to any place during a Rider game and you can see brawling, vomiting, face-planting, public urinating, beer shotgunning, and countless other competitive sports in SK.

4. What is your favourite lounge in Saskatoon?
I used to like to lounge in this one place after eating out in Saskatoon. They had a stomach pump and “ER” on the door. It was really clean (a nice change) with very comfortable couches—highly recommended!

5. What is your favourite restaurant deck in Saskatoon?
Any, but only in August. Otherwise you run the risk of hypothermia before your first drink arrives.

6. What is your favourite pizza place in Saskatoon?
Well, I once knew this funny guy with raging hormones in grade 9 who… oh wait! You said PLACE.

7. What is your favourite fast food place in Saskatoon?
Fast food in Saskatoon? By this do you mean your food arrives in under 20 minutes? LOL! Good one!

8. What is your "Guilty Pleasure" food item at any restaurant in Saskatoon?
I’m not sure about the “pleasure” part, but I certainly feel guilty after eating out in Saskatoon. Ask my plumber.

9. Which restaurant is your "Guilty Pleasure" food item from?
Your honour, I'd prefer to plead not guilty.

Is “Visit Saskatchewan” on Your Bucket List?

OWW! Does my neck ever hurt. It’s from the double take I did when I read a headline from the Regina Leader this week.:
“Aussie travels to Regina to strike No. 23 from bucket list.

An Australian, Sebastain Terry, apparently visited Saskatchewan to complete an item on his bucket list. I think I speak for all of civilized Canada when my response to reading that was, “Bucket list? Saskatchewan? SAY WHA?!?!”

When I read further, it began to make sense. He didn’t have “visit Hell” on his bucket list but rather, had put down “deliver a baby” on it. He happened to be able to do this in Regina, which is why he came to the city. Personally, I’d rather leave the delicate task of delivering a child to a trained doctor, but clearly not everyone in Sask thinks the same. Maybe they thought he was a doctor. He does, after all have a funny accent, just like Dr. House has (in real life).

It’s amazing so how little goes on in SK, that the local paper reports on this kind of triviality. This guy clearly is looking simply for media attention, less so to experience the gift of life. I mean, look at the shirt he made up and is wearing. It reminds me a bit of the guy who traded a paper clip several times and eventually traded up to a house in Saskatchewan. Personally, that story was interesting enough to deserve a headline. I guess the main news item from both stories is that people would want to come to Saskatchewan. An extraordinary factor clearly must be involved. Now that’s news.

Unfortunately, visiting SK is not on my bucket list. If it was, it’d be somewhere between become a John Tesh concert roadie and play leap frog with a grizzly bear.

Please Pass the Fantuz Flakes

I'll admit, Andy Fantuz is a pretty good football player. I actually like him, even though he plays for the wretched Riders. Do I like him enough to eat his flakes? Ummmmm….. I think I’ll leave the honour of doing that to the crazy fans known as the Rider Nation. They love them and apparently can't get enough of those scrump-diddilyicious Fantuz Flakes. They're sold right out of them!

"Hi, would you like to taste my Flakes?"

What the hell is a Fantuz Flake anyway? Did the janitor who cleans the Rider locker room find them in the shower and say, "Hey, I can make some money off this!" Actually, never mind. I really don’t want to know.

So what tasty treats can we expect next from team that can't count to twelve? Durant Drops? Lucas Lumps? Clermont Crisps? Bagg Bags?

And the award goes to...

May I have a drum roll please.

What is the most crime ridden province in Canada? Who rocks the Crime Severity Index like no one else? Who takes both first and second place with the highest violent crime rates in Canada? Who claimed the same top honours last year?

Saskatchewan, baby. That's who!

It's pretty ironic actually, as there is quite a bit of rivalry between the two cities. People in Saskaton think their city is so much better than Regina, and vice versa. I never really understood the whole competitive city thing, or what evidence it was based on. I've been in both places and trust me, neither are much to brag about. Until now, that is.... GO REGINA, GO!


Regina, Saskatoon crime rates fall, but still highest

The crime rate in Saskatoon fell in 2009, but the city remained at the No. 2 spot — second only to Regina — on Statistics Canada’s measurement of crime severity across the country.

We’ve managed to see another decrease this year in both violent and non-violent crime, certainly not the kind of drops we’ve seen in the last couple of years the report’s been published, but a decrease nonetheless,” said Saskatoon Police Service spokesperson Alyson Edwards. “We realize there’s more work to be done in Saskatoon.”

FULL STORY

PS: if you feel a bit of deja vu it is because I blogged about this same award two years ago! Then again, nothing ever changes in SK. Keep on tryin' Abbottsford!

SASKATCHEWAN NEWS FLASH

In other parts of the world, the news headline of the day might focus on the gulf oil leak, flooding killing hundreds in China, Mel Gibson freaking out on tape, or Lindsay Lohan going to jail.


But not in Saskatchewan. There, other things are important enough to people to make the front page. Thank the Saskatoon Star Phoenix.




PS: what is with the generic coffee cup? Could they not find a Timmies cup for the photo? It's not like they can't be found lying in any street in Stoon. *sign*

Pissing Away more Potential Tax Revenue

If it wasn’t for Canwest global news media, I would never know what was going on in Saskatchewan – and thankfully so. So I curse the media when I see Saskatchewan-related news items pop up on the website for my local newspaper. Like a car crash, I can’t help but look. Such was the case today when I came across a story chronicling the latest chapter in the long sad story that is Saskatoon’s pet laws.

Some context:
In case you don’t know, Saskatchewan loves tax as much as anchorman Ron Burgundy loves scotch.

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...

An example of this is the fact that Saskatoon is one of the few jurisdictions where one is taxed every year for having a cat or dog. You have to buy a licence for your pet and put a tag on it – or face big fines. Although the bylaw is almost never enforced (ask any cat owner if they buy a licence for Mr. Socks. Half will say no and the other half will stare at you blankly not knowing what you’re even talking about). The licensing really serves no purpose other than to grab tax money but more importantly, try to scare residents into containing their pets. If memory serves me correctly, fines are issued any time your dog or cat walks off your property and onto another’s. The only difference is that a licensed pet receives a smaller fine. Pets are apparently supposed to observe and abide by surveyor’s pins in Sask.

Some more context:
I have written elsewhere on this blog about Saskatoon’s dog feces problem. Even though it a finable offence, dog owners in SK apparently think that it is within their rights to let their dogs shit all over anything and everything. I used to know when spring had arrived in Saskatoon by the massive piles of dog shit that thawed out and lay exposed all over public parks and my yard. Believe me when I say it is better to step in frozen than fresh dog shit.

Here the [poop] scoop:
I got a chuckle out of the latest buffoonery from city hall. Apparently they have been debating whether to pass a bylaw outlawing dog urination on private property.

City council ultimately decided not to pass such a law. But not because dog piss isn’t damaging to property or that it's a problem in the city, but because enforcement of the law would be too difficult. LOL. How rich. This is the same city hall that enacted the pet licence law and the dog feces law, neither of which are enforceable or enforced. *face palm here*

I don’t know what’s more amazing: the inconsistency in which the city laws are made or the fact that Saskatoon passed on the opportunity to find a new way to collect tax from citizens. What a shit--I mean piss show.

Pay to Get Rough Ridden

It's been reported before: in Saskatchewan, politics and sports aren't just friendly pals, they boldly go hand in hand. So this news shouldn't come as any surprise: the Saskatchewan government announced today that they are issuing special Saskatchewan Roughrider license plates to commemorate their beloved provincial CFL football team. It wouldn't seem so illegal if the practice wasn’t the accepted norm in SK.

To anyone who has lived in the Rectangle of Regression, this cannot come as a surprise. The Roughriders are so openly-loved in Saskatchewan to the point that it's just plain awkward. Rider fans are known as the Rider Nation. They have Rider Pride. They like it rough. They fly colours. If one didn't know about this infamous CFL team, one might assume this is all part of some elaborate same-sex rights campaign. Well, it's not - at least as far as I know - but the motions are the same.

The commemorative plates come in several varieties. Be sure to ask for these specific ones when you visit SGI!

More SK License Plates

You know summer is coming when you start to see Saskatchewan license plates in BC. I don’t know what is more amazing – the fact that a Pontiac automobile made the journey all the way across the Rocky Mountains without blowing up, or the fact that the same people who never tip more than 10% for a meal will pay the extra fee to get personalized plates. More on this topic to come....

What a Watrousity

If you grew up in Saskatchewan you’re pretty likely to have been to Watrous at some point in your life – the home of Manitou Springs Hotel and Spa. This spa is a fixture in the province, located on the shore of a salt lake in the middle of nowhere. It consists of a series of indoor pools pumped full of heated lake water. The water is very high in salt content and therefore buoyant, so one can float around effortlessly on the surface much like in the Dead Sea. Manitou’s water contains minerals that is said to have special health-giving properties.

Like so many things in Saskatchewan, the unfortunate part is in the execution. Instead of this spa being a world class resort offering a luxury getaway, it is a run-down and shabby dump that has to be seen to be believed.

The hotel’s promotional picture:

Here's what it really looks like:

As you can see, the “healing waters” are the colour of urine. Worse, the pools are never cleaned so they have a coating of black muck on them, so much that one cannot see the bottom or sides of the pool. To top it all off, seniors seem to love to flock to the spa, so much that on any given day, you will find hoards of old people in swimsuits floating around motionless on their backs. It's actually a lot like that bathtub scene from the movie The Shining.

Saskatchewan's Dead Sea

Scary.

I went to Watrous in my younger years and my experiences there were not exactly like those one might get on a vacation, say, at Disneyland. I distinctly remember recoiling at the sight of the yellow water and the flotillas of senior-submarines creepily bobbing around like motionless cadavers. When I mustered the courage to actually go into the pool, I got a burning feeling all over my body from the water. It was truly gross.

Why am I mentioning all this now? This month, Saskatchewan health officials closed the facility down, citing health risks. Apparently the pool’s filtering system has not been functioning properly for years and management has repeatedly failed to fix the problem. Now visitors of the hotel are stuck in a town with nothing else to do. Perhaps even worse, seniors across the province have nowhere to do the deadman float. Don't worry though, no-one will complain. This is Saskatchewan, after all.

Now that Manitou spa is closed, as is the former garbage dump turned ski hill known as Blackstrap, where will vacationing Saskatchewaners go?