Saturday, May 24, 2014

Thou Shalt Not Complain

I had a good chuckle reading about the recent scandal at the University Of Saskatchewan, my old stomping grounds of higher learning. That venerable place of furry dog mascots, underground tunnels, and bizarre ritualistic warring between Ag and Engineering students.

University of Saskatchewan board fires president Ilene Busch-Vishniac

"The move to let Busch-Vishniac go comes after a flurry of criticism surrounding a decision to dismiss and end the tenure of a professor who openly criticized the university's leadership. That professor, Robert Buckingham, was returned to his teaching duties after Busch-Vishniac conceded the move was a 'blunder'."

And why was the professor fired? For having sex with several students? Nope. For publishing research from grad students as his own? Nada. For getting drunk and humping one of those dinosaur skeletons in the geology building? Sorry, no.
The prof got fired for something much worse. For complaining. Is there any greater sin to commit in Saskatchewan? Complaining is the first commandment in the Rectangle of Regression. Don't do it. It'll get you into a heap of trouble if you dare to, even within the supposedly world of free speech at the university.

Alma Mater STFU
If you've lived in Saskatchewan, you know what I am talking about. If you haven't (which means you are not currently wearing a T-Shirt that says "Not everything on the Prairies is flat") here's the low-down:

You simply do not complain in Saskatchewan. Ever. Anywhere. About anything. Still don't quite understand? Here's a helpful FAQ:

Q: I just bought a used Chevy Cobalt from a friend and the wheels fell off on the drive home. What should I do?
A: Nothing. Just be happy with your purchase of the new pace car of Saskatchewan. In fact, buy your pal a sixer of Pil as a gift.

Q: I ordered a double cheeseburger from McDonalds and it arrived with only one patty, and no cheese. What gives?
A: You obviously ordered the wrong item. You should apologize to the staff for your mistake.

Q: I just waited four hours to see a doctor at a medical clinic. Should I say that this is unacceptable in the home of public healthcare?
A: No. This is normal. Take one for the team.

Q: The cashier at the Co-op overcharged me for fishing bait. Should I demand the difference back?
A: And steal from your brothers and sisters? Just walk away and go fishing. That slimy old jack you catch will only taste that much sweeter.

Q: I just got back from Old Navy and they are out of cargo shorts. Who should I complain to?
A: Join the club. Cargo shorts are in hot demand here.

And for all other questions:

Q: Who should I complain to about ______?
A: Nobody. Go back to Alberta. This is Saskatchewan.


Anonymous said...

Good grief! Not only are you breaking cardinal rule #1 by complaining, but you are also breaking rule #2 - don't tell me nuthin' I don't yet know!

What are ya trying to do? Be some sort of fancy-pants show-off from one of them OTHER provinces? hehehe

Keep up the good work!

Mickey Mantel said...

Complain about the cops and they try frame you. Then they go oops we had the best intentions! Didnt get your severence, do the happy two step and sing dee dum doo like a fat hick

Anonymous said...

More Sask bitching here:

Anonymous said...

This Place susks ass... People argue with anything. They are the most competitive losers you would ever met. The would kill their own mother for the shit on your show. Never come here for automotive jobs, you will be screwing people to survive.

Anonymous said...

Your anger may have ended when you left but there are many still suffering.

Let the hatred live on.

Juggafreeze said...

Hi five. I can see you haven't posted for more than a year.

You've been making strides.

Anonymous said...

It's easy to point fingers as to why there is a decline in much of Saskatchewan. Especially when many smaller communities are drying up and the populations are either moving to larger towns and cities or even out of province. However, it comes downs to many people becoming too content and not wanting to take initiative to try and improve things. Also our culture isn't overly glorified. We are lacking innovation and an overall positive mentality as a whole.

However, there are still people trying to save this province and make it as just as good (if not better) than it used to be.


And I'm sure there are more.

Anonymous said...

Actually I have noticed that this is too true, despite the obvious humor. It`s as if you are breaking some kind of taboo to honestly admit when you are depressed, having struggles, needing help or in pain; it gets you shunned. I suspect that is because there are a lot of people who have grown hard and bitter from having no sympathy ever shown to them when they needed it. Spiritual generosity is one of the easiest things we can give to another human being and yet its hard to come by here.