And the award goes to...

May I have a drum roll please.

What is the most crime ridden province in Canada? Who rocks the Crime Severity Index like no one else? Who takes both first and second place with the highest violent crime rates in Canada? Who claimed the same top honours last year?

Saskatchewan, baby. That's who!

It's pretty ironic actually, as there is quite a bit of rivalry between the two cities. People in Saskaton think their city is so much better than Regina, and vice versa. I never really understood the whole competitive city thing, or what evidence it was based on. I've been in both places and trust me, neither are much to brag about. Until now, that is.... GO REGINA, GO!


Regina, Saskatoon crime rates fall, but still highest

The crime rate in Saskatoon fell in 2009, but the city remained at the No. 2 spot — second only to Regina — on Statistics Canada’s measurement of crime severity across the country.

We’ve managed to see another decrease this year in both violent and non-violent crime, certainly not the kind of drops we’ve seen in the last couple of years the report’s been published, but a decrease nonetheless,” said Saskatoon Police Service spokesperson Alyson Edwards. “We realize there’s more work to be done in Saskatoon.”

FULL STORY

PS: if you feel a bit of deja vu it is because I blogged about this same award two years ago! Then again, nothing ever changes in SK. Keep on tryin' Abbottsford!

SASKATCHEWAN NEWS FLASH

In other parts of the world, the news headline of the day might focus on the gulf oil leak, flooding killing hundreds in China, Mel Gibson freaking out on tape, or Lindsay Lohan going to jail.


But not in Saskatchewan. There, other things are important enough to people to make the front page. Thank the Saskatoon Star Phoenix.




PS: what is with the generic coffee cup? Could they not find a Timmies cup for the photo? It's not like they can't be found lying in any street in Stoon. *sign*

Pissing Away more Potential Tax Revenue

If it wasn’t for Canwest global news media, I would never know what was going on in Saskatchewan – and thankfully so. So I curse the media when I see Saskatchewan-related news items pop up on the website for my local newspaper. Like a car crash, I can’t help but look. Such was the case today when I came across a story chronicling the latest chapter in the long sad story that is Saskatoon’s pet laws.

Some context:
In case you don’t know, Saskatchewan loves tax as much as anchorman Ron Burgundy loves scotch.

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...

An example of this is the fact that Saskatoon is one of the few jurisdictions where one is taxed every year for having a cat or dog. You have to buy a licence for your pet and put a tag on it – or face big fines. Although the bylaw is almost never enforced (ask any cat owner if they buy a licence for Mr. Socks. Half will say no and the other half will stare at you blankly not knowing what you’re even talking about). The licensing really serves no purpose other than to grab tax money but more importantly, try to scare residents into containing their pets. If memory serves me correctly, fines are issued any time your dog or cat walks off your property and onto another’s. The only difference is that a licensed pet receives a smaller fine. Pets are apparently supposed to observe and abide by surveyor’s pins in Sask.

Some more context:
I have written elsewhere on this blog about Saskatoon’s dog feces problem. Even though it a finable offence, dog owners in SK apparently think that it is within their rights to let their dogs shit all over anything and everything. I used to know when spring had arrived in Saskatoon by the massive piles of dog shit that thawed out and lay exposed all over public parks and my yard. Believe me when I say it is better to step in frozen than fresh dog shit.

Here the [poop] scoop:
I got a chuckle out of the latest buffoonery from city hall. Apparently they have been debating whether to pass a bylaw outlawing dog urination on private property.

City council ultimately decided not to pass such a law. But not because dog piss isn’t damaging to property or that it's a problem in the city, but because enforcement of the law would be too difficult. LOL. How rich. This is the same city hall that enacted the pet licence law and the dog feces law, neither of which are enforceable or enforced. *face palm here*

I don’t know what’s more amazing: the inconsistency in which the city laws are made or the fact that Saskatoon passed on the opportunity to find a new way to collect tax from citizens. What a shit--I mean piss show.

Pay to Get Rough Ridden

It's been reported before: in Saskatchewan, politics and sports aren't just friendly pals, they boldly go hand in hand. So this news shouldn't come as any surprise: the Saskatchewan government announced today that they are issuing special Saskatchewan Roughrider license plates to commemorate their beloved provincial CFL football team. It wouldn't seem so illegal if the practice wasn’t the accepted norm in SK.

To anyone who has lived in the Rectangle of Regression, this cannot come as a surprise. The Roughriders are so openly-loved in Saskatchewan to the point that it's just plain awkward. Rider fans are known as the Rider Nation. They have Rider Pride. They like it rough. They fly colours. If one didn't know about this infamous CFL team, one might assume this is all part of some elaborate same-sex rights campaign. Well, it's not - at least as far as I know - but the motions are the same.

The commemorative plates come in several varieties. Be sure to ask for these specific ones when you visit SGI!

More SK License Plates

You know summer is coming when you start to see Saskatchewan license plates in BC. I don’t know what is more amazing – the fact that a Pontiac automobile made the journey all the way across the Rocky Mountains without blowing up, or the fact that the same people who never tip more than 10% for a meal will pay the extra fee to get personalized plates. More on this topic to come....

What a Watrousity

If you grew up in Saskatchewan you’re pretty likely to have been to Watrous at some point in your life – the home of Manitou Springs Hotel and Spa. This spa is a fixture in the province, located on the shore of a salt lake in the middle of nowhere. It consists of a series of indoor pools pumped full of heated lake water. The water is very high in salt content and therefore buoyant, so one can float around effortlessly on the surface much like in the Dead Sea. Manitou’s water contains minerals that is said to have special health-giving properties.

Like so many things in Saskatchewan, the unfortunate part is in the execution. Instead of this spa being a world class resort offering a luxury getaway, it is a run-down and shabby dump that has to be seen to be believed.

The hotel’s promotional picture:

Here's what it really looks like:

As you can see, the “healing waters” are the colour of urine. Worse, the pools are never cleaned so they have a coating of black muck on them, so much that one cannot see the bottom or sides of the pool. To top it all off, seniors seem to love to flock to the spa, so much that on any given day, you will find hoards of old people in swimsuits floating around motionless on their backs. It's actually a lot like that bathtub scene from the movie The Shining.

Saskatchewan's Dead Sea

Scary.

I went to Watrous in my younger years and my experiences there were not exactly like those one might get on a vacation, say, at Disneyland. I distinctly remember recoiling at the sight of the yellow water and the flotillas of senior-submarines creepily bobbing around like motionless cadavers. When I mustered the courage to actually go into the pool, I got a burning feeling all over my body from the water. It was truly gross.

Why am I mentioning all this now? This month, Saskatchewan health officials closed the facility down, citing health risks. Apparently the pool’s filtering system has not been functioning properly for years and management has repeatedly failed to fix the problem. Now visitors of the hotel are stuck in a town with nothing else to do. Perhaps even worse, seniors across the province have nowhere to do the deadman float. Don't worry though, no-one will complain. This is Saskatchewan, after all.

Now that Manitou spa is closed, as is the former garbage dump turned ski hill known as Blackstrap, where will vacationing Saskatchewaners go?

0 to 100 in a century, flat

Well, storms, floods, and locusts must be approaching, as I recently heard that Saskatoon is getting a Porsche dealership. The story says that it is a sign that the city is "growing up."

I’m not sure which is the funnier part about this story: 1) the fact that a city as big as Saskatoon doesn’t have a Porsche dealership yet, or 2) the fact that someone would suggest that the city is in fact “growing up.”

Maybe it’s the latter. Keep in mind that Saskatoon is a city over a hundred years old. This would mean that the city is about the slowest to develop in Canada. To use a metaphor, the city is akin to a full-grown adult who hates baths and still plays with Tonka trucks. Or, to be more precise, John Deere tractor toys.

No doubt, Saskatchewan is the most handy-capable province in Canada but I’m not going to dwell on that here. Nor am I going to debate the principle whether Saskatchewan should have a Porsche dealership at all (contrary to socialist doctrine).

Rather, I’m dedicating this post to celebrating the real automobile that symbolizes Saskatchewan: the Pontiac Sunfire. I don’t care if Porsches start rolling down 2nd Ave by the hundreds. No turbo 911 will ever displace the Sunfire as the official pace car of Saskatchewan. The province is Sunfire country, baby, and never forget it!

Enjoy the images below of these beauties, taken from the local used classifieds.

Buy it now and the owner will throw in a sweet 1990s colour splash

Sweet! The door works on this one.

Sunfires look best when you kneel down to look at them…. with your eyes closed that is.

Terrible colour – you’ll never find your car at a wheat field party.

Wash your car before selling it? Pah! Not in Saskatchewan! That might be precius potash dust.

The seats may be vinyl but the steering wheel is 100% genuine cowhide. The owner should know, he killed the cow himself

One of these two vehicles is still running. HINT: it doesnt rhyme with Sunfire.

For women in SK, driving a white Sunfire is akin to wearing white at a wedding. Purity.

Just like the car in Knight Rider – no human brain required to drive it.

Comes with subs – guaranteed to pump out Nickelback like no-one’s business.