Saskatoon's Boom..... Not Quite

More proof in the Star Phoenix that Saskatoon's so-called boom is anything but--the money numbers might say one thing but demographics say another... people are STILL leaving the province by the thousands! The ship might not be sinking still but the rats--or prairie dogs perhaps--are still fleeing! Get out while you can!

from: http://www.canada.com/saskatoonstarphoenix/news/story.html?id=4c0536a2-24b0-40d6-9cc7-e87c286159a9


City population sinks: Estimate shows decline of 2,000 people since Jan. 2007

Rod Nickel, The StarPhoenixPublished: Thursday, July 24, 2008

Slow down that swagger, Saskatoon. The economy may be booming, but those counting heads suggest that doesn't mean the population is doing the same. The most recent estimate of Saskatoon's population from a Toronto analytics firm caused jaws to drop in the city planning department when it reported a decrease of 2,000 people between January 2007 and spring of this year to about 212,000 in the city proper. Anyone, including city officials, watching new neighbourhoods fill in and traffic back up might be skeptical that 2,000 souls have gone missing.
"We talked to (the firm) and said, 'We find this surprising,' " said Bill Holden, manager of the city's research and information resource centre. "They said, based on the stuff we do, that's the number we got."

More reasons why Saskatchewan sucks

Why I hate SASKATCHEWN (Part Two)

Saskatchewan sucks so much that lists of “worst things” come in multiples. So here’s Volume two of my list of 50 reasons why Saskatchewan sucks. Enjoy!


1) The BUGS (this year silkworms were the vanguard of the mosquito barrage)
2) West Nile (see #1)
3) Tax, Tax, TAX! There’s a bloody tax on everything here! They even have a separate tax to have a fire when you’re camping!
4) It’s incredibly BORING here. Really, there’s jack to do in this province (besides pay tax)
5) The government has to pay for TV ads to convince their own residents that Saskatchewan is a great place to live
6) Ridiculous price of tickets to see CFL game here
7) When you do pay to see a CFL game, one team has to be the RIDERS
8) No hockey team. Who the hell do you cheer for?!?! GO OILJETFLAMES?
9) Anti-Semitism is alive and well here (and the offenders are proud of it!)
10) Any lake below PA stinks to high heaven in summer of sulphur
11) What is considered accepted drinking culture here… well, I guess it can be called that if you consider getting smashed at a public place and making an ass of yourself “culture”
12) People take pride in “their” provincial berry. Jesus Christ, it’s a berry!
13) Everyone has hydrophobia – Don’t go in the RIVER!
14) Shittiest camping areas in Canada (imagine an empty field with parked sunfires and tents)
15) No trout, bass, or salmon fishing—just those fugly jackfish
16) Lorne Calvert’s mug as the face of government (Yes I know he’s gone now but DAMN!)
17) Provincial politics about as interesting to watch as continental plate movement.
18) Social gospel tradition – the worst of both worlds!
19) None of the province’s celebrities from here end up retiring here (Gee, I wonder why!)
20) No strip joints… WTF!
21) People are so damn cheap!
22) People don’t “get it” about Costa Maragos
23) It only has two seasons. Summer (don’t blink) and the 8 month hell-sojourn they call winter
24) So flat people get vertigo when they walk up the 2% incline of Broadway Bridge
25) No passing lanes on highways
26) People won’t pass on highways unless they can see an uninterrupted horizon.
27) The highways are falling apart (until you reach Alberta border—phew!)
28) Can’t fly out of province without a stopover in either Winnipeg or Calgary
29) Government can’t properly manage the lease situation for the garbage dump ski hill so its opens before January..,, or follow the recommendation to privatize it (gasp!)
30) Most overweight province in all of Canada and government does NOTHING about it
31) Candy machines everywhere (see #28)
32) It’s one of the worst polluters in Canada and no-one seems to give a shit
33) Worst health care backlog I’ve seen of all the provinces
34) VLTs every God damn place you go
35) No microbeers… Sorry, Paddockwood is ONE company.
36) Giant ugly roadside “attractions” like a big steel piece of wheat… gee, like you can’t wheat anywhere else in this province!
37) Many people still speak the words NDP and Tommy Douglas as though there still is a connection. The rest complain that the NDP isn’t socialist enough
38) Gay marriage is an issue that gets people riled up here, still [yawn]
39) You have to get your license renewed every year.
40) You can never find road signs showing how many kms to your destination. Are we supposed to enjoy driving in this flat wasteland in and of itself?
41) Murders on the news sometimes follow the 30 min weather forecast. Which is really most important now people?!?!
42) The astronomical price of housing – better get ready for the crash, peeps!
43) Newscasters (Hey CTV wardrobe people!) wear the same ugly tweed blazer everyday. It’s hard not to smell the 1970s right through my TV screen.
44) The airport can shut down for 3 days for construction—where on else would this ever happen?!?
45) Condo development (old Bay bldg downtown Stoon) takes three years and they’re STILL not finished it!
46) NDP Opposition gets press coverage for complaining that the new Sask Party government isn’t doing anything.
47) The province has no incentive for people to stay here yet everyone wonders why there’s a brain drain.
48) No infrastructure development to suggest that anything has changed economically in this province in the last ten years.
49) People think province “HAVE” status means something.
50) I have to live here for now!

Music for Saskatchewan

Saskatchewan

(Meant to be sung to the melody of “Rockstar” by Nickelback)

I’m through with idling in line
For Timmy's drive through window
It’s like endless time
With no Timbits to go
This life hasn’t turned out
But I don’t know what else to be

I want to pay more rent
For the same shitty hole
And a bathroom someone once got stabbed in
And a king sized gut enough
For ten big macs

I’ll need a 06 sunfire that’s got 200k
And some big black dice for my rearview mirror
Gonna go to Canadian Tire
And buy a flared clip-on tailpipe

I want to go to Regina and pay eighty bucks
To see the Rider’s lose ‘cause they really do suck
And then bitch about the refs
As though they lost the game for the green

I’d never trade this life for fortune and fame
I’ll never leave this province because I’m scared of change

[CHORUS]

‘Cause we all just wanna be Tommy Douglas
and live on Spadina Crescent driving two Sunfires
The girls come easy and the Pil’ comes cheap
We’ll all stay fat from all the candy we eat
And we’ll hang out in the coolest bars
Like the BP lounge with the drunk bar stars
Every good prairie girl’s
Gonna wind up there
Every muffin top
With black roots and blonde hair
Then we’ll do donuts around MidTown Plaza
And wonder why Diva’s has only guys going there
We’ll talk about the Rider’s as though someone cares
Everybody’s got Vern’s Pizza on speed dial

Hey, hey I’m Saskatchewan
Hey, hey I’m Saskatchewan

Saskatchewan Takes Prize for Most Dangerous Place to Live

More proof this week that Saskatchewan is indeed a HAVE province--we HAVE the highest violent crime rates in Canada!

Macleans Magazine ranked Regina and Saskatoon FIRST and SECOND place when it comes to violent crimes in Canadian cities.

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/saskatchewan/story/2008/03/13/miffed-mcleans.html

"Regina has been ranked the "most dangerous" city in Canada, with
Saskatoon a close second, by the national news magazine, Maclean's.
Using 2006 data from the Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics,
Maclean's based its ranking on tabulated results for six crimes — murder,
sexual assault, aggravated assault, robbery, auto theft, and breaking and
entering."

Saskatchewan - Just for Laughs

I think I saw this guy (Jeremy Hotz) on a local Crimestoppers commercial. They want him for the charge of “crimes against Tommy.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsrJ-bQVINM

Saskatchewan License Plates

If you think I am alone in my bitterness, here’s proof that there at least TWO people out there who have low opinion of this province… and one of them is pretty good with Photoshop.

“Spring” in Saskatchewan

I hate this time of year. While the rest of Canada is frolicking in flower blossoms and having tulip throwing wars, we here in Saskatchewan get to slog through two more months of winter. The worst part is when we get days like this week when the temperature rises up and things start to melt. The roads become brown lakes, the sidewalks become mud, and it is impossible to keep your clothes or car clean if you leave your house. I can also tell that spring is near as all the dog shit on the sidewalks that dog owners have neglected to pick up over the last five months begins to thaw. Stepping in that thawed pooh is real TREAT that you can only get here. I also love how during the day, melting causes everything to liquefy yet at night it all freezes again, creating roads about as smooth as Bryan Adam’s cheek. Driving around on that bumpy mess makes me feel like my car has hydraulics and cranking up some snoop on my stereo. I wish some Saskatchewan person would show me how to drive on that stuff without all my fillings falling out. Surely they have found a way to drive on it without spilling their precious Tim Horton’s double double.

The 10 Holy Commandments for Saskatchewan Drivers

Saskatchewan drivers are the absolute worse of all the provinces. I am reminded of this every time I step into my car and drive anywhere in this flattened hell-plateau. I have compiled a holy list of the ten Saskatchewan driving commandments so you too can become a crappy Saskatchewan driver. Just follow these 10 easy rules!

#1
Buy a Pontiac Sunfire. This is the official pace car of Saskatchewan so drive it proud (that is, before it falls apart). If you can’t afford one of these Oshawa beauties, be sure to get a Chev Cavalier, an older Chevette or better yet, Hyundai Pony or Excel.

#2
Drive at least 10 km/hr below the speed limit at all times. Who’d want to miss all that beautiful flat scenery anyways?

#3
When approaching a four way stop intersection, always let the other driver go first, regardless of when you got there or their position in proximity to your Sunfire. The golden rule here is: the most Saskatchewan person will ALWAYS wave the other driver to proceed first. Don’t stand out from the socialist horde but instead, BE LIKE TOMMY!

#4
Accessorize your care according to Saskatchewan protocols. This means getting seat covers (preferably zebra or leopard skin print), fuzzy dice, a vanilla air freshener, and FILTHY DUST to decorate the insides of your Sunfire in the Saskatchewan style.

#5
If you MUST merge or change lanes, you have to do this precisely one kilometer in advance of where you need to actually do this. Again, think “WHAT WOULD TOMMY DO?”

#6
Never turn left if you can see a car coming. Sask drivers have no depth perception because if they can see the outline of an approaching car as they turn left at an intersection, they will not turn until the horizon is clear. You don’t want to risk the chance of somehow offending the oncoming car. It might be your Mennonite baba.

#7
If you see a pedestrian, STOP RIGHT THERE AND NOW and let the pedestrian cross the road UNLESS that pedestrian is standing at a crosswalk, which means do not stop. Instead, drive on and wave to the pedestrian and smile. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen this happen… but I think it is related to the four-way stop etiquette.

#8
Never honk your horn. Horns are only to be used for getting your friend’s attention at wheat field parties, not while you are actually driving.

#9
Never, ever, ever change lanes. If you are behind someone turning, you must never go around them. To do so would be like saying I am better than you which is akin to blasphemy in Saskatchewan.

#10
This is the most important rule of all: DRIVE EVERYWHERE. To be Saskatchewan means to avoid physical exercise at all cost and to drive everywhere. Never walk anywhere since this will entail physical exercise. Saskatchewaners are among the fattest in Canada so wear that flab proudly and always be sure to drive to Superstore to get those extra big bags of Lay’s chips. Besides, walking or taking the bus means you are poor—only society’s affluent can afford to drive a Sunfire.

Saskatchewan: Home of Anti-Semitism

Well, more loud reminders this week that anti-Semitism is alive and well in Saskatchewan. Sure, anti-Semites are everywhere but only HERE in Saskatchewan will you find ones still publicly proud to say so and willing to righteously defend their actions. And the latest one was as university instructor to boot!
http://www.cbc.ca/canada/saskatchewan/story/2008/01/28/tremaine.html
Just when one didn’t have enough reasons to hate living in this province we can now add “home of the proud anti-Semites” to our name.

And to make things worse, the David Ahenakew story isn’t going away anytime soon either—a new trial was ordered for him for his oh-so-memorable comments made a few years ago about the Holocaust.
http://www.cbc.ca/canada/saskatchewan/story/2008/02/01/ahenakew-retrial.html
Doug Christie should set up shop here since he’ll have enough clientele for life.

Ghandi? WTF?

In case you are like me you can’t help but wonder why the hell there’s a Ghandi statue downtown. And it’s a great big one too. Scares little children and old ladies. What does Ghandi have to do with Saskatoon? Maybe he came here once just to see how much better life is in India under colonial rule than here. He probably went back home and said, “Boy, am I glad I don’t live in that shithole province Saskatchewan! Let’s all go sit down and talk about how shitty it is there.” Then again, I bet that some idiot in City Hall bought it thinking it was a statue of Junior from the Sopranos. Too bad it’s not. It’d make more sense to me. It would symbolize that you’d have to be old and insane to want to live here.

Pay more to live in the same shithole!

Why has the cost of housing gone up so much in this city? The price of houses has doubled in the past few years but no other signs of prosperity otherwise. … no new stores, no BMWs clogging the streets, no new companies investing here. Just more expensive homes, suburban sprawl on the outskirts of the city, and more Walmarts. Not what I’d call REAL signs of wealth. People are just as poor here as ever so someone please tell me: where is the money driving up the price of real estate coming from? Are all the farmers selling their combines on Ebay and moving into town to be closer to Walmart? And better yet, why hasn’t the government done anything about rent controls? What a bloody joke! The land of socialism and they can’t even pass a tenancy act that protects people from getting evicted from $250 a month rent increases….

My Riverfront Landing Rant

In any other city, the riverfront landing area would have been developed ten years ago and the money garnered used to pay for much needed infrastructure development. The land is located right downtown, it's on prime waterfront, and it's worth a fortune. But oh, how I overestimate this place. Here, they wait until the last couple years to start development (okay great, the land is worth more now… ka-CHING!)…. but then what do they do? Put in two theatres and turn the rest into park. They should have sold this prime real estate to developers and put in some high rises and MADE SOME MONEY… maybe even build some condos to alleviate the rental housing shortage. Hell they could have built some low income apartments there with partial proceeds. How on earth they managed to think up the idea of putting the Galaxy theatre where they did is beyond me. They might as well have put a fricking Walmart in there. Then again, they probably tried.

Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re going to say: big buildings aren’t as pretty as parks. Well, no one seems to notice that there already ARE huge parks on each side of the riverfront property AND across the river. But what about the theatre you say? What about the local arts scene? Well in case you’ve never been to a theatre, it involves being INSIDE so it doesn’t really matter where it is. Call me crazy but it’s a little hard to enjoy the riverfront view when you’re looking at a stage or screen, surrounded by concrete walls. The fact is: the land could have been better utilized. PERIOD.

City Hall does nothing but bitch about how little money they have… Gee, I wonder why? Maybe it’s because they don’t know a damn thing about urban planning and development. They think that the only place to get money is to nickel and dime residents to death. They missed the boat on this one folks. I hope everyone enjoys the kiddie waterpark but do try to ignore the crater sized potholes, no parking spaces, and crumbling streets on the way there.

Kent Austin Screws Saskatchewan AGAIN!

So Mr Austin is leaving south for the good life in the NCAA…. Someone please tell me why everyone is NOT upset over this? I saw people wishing him luck on TV when they heard the news. Don’t people remember that this is the SECOND time Austin screwed the Riders fans over? This guy is like one of those dapper old men who comes into a retirement home, bangs all the old ladies, and leaves the next day with all their money. Well, Austin never fooled me, probably because I HATED the Riders when he did it the first time as their QB and I HATE them still today. And not just because Eric Tillman looks like a Chiapet... or one of those brushes you clean your shoes with before hitting the curling rink. Probably that’s how he got the GM job here. People liked him a lot but couldn’t quite explain why…. But I digress..... I thought Saskatchewan people knew their history. Apparently not! I suppose that this means that if I come back to Saskatchewan in twenty years’ time people will remember me as the person who invented the internet.

RECALL WALL’s SIDEBURNS!

Am I seeing things? Did Brad Wall grow back his sideburns? Jesus Christ, I thought he got rid of them once and for all for the election. Probably why he got elected. Now they’re back? This is worse than an unkept election promise. Who does he think he is? Jason Priestly from 90210? Hey Brad: you’re an adult now and it’s time to let it go. The other premiers are already laughing at you for your goofy pin stripe gangster suits. Don’t feed the flames!

Privatize SaskTransit NOW!

I am not a proponent of privatization as a general rule but Sask Transit should be privatized NOW. It’s the only way to remedy what is possibly the worst run crown corporation I have ever seen.

The busses are empty all the time, the busses are old and dilapidated, and they run so infrequently the service is a joke. They jack up the prices by more than anywhere else I have seen at one time. And what the hell do they put in those bus cushions? Don Acheson’s back hair? God those seats are uncomfortable. I swear Sask Transit doesn’t want you to ride the bus. The downtown bus exchange is the poorest and most dangerous one I have ever seen—it’s like dodgeball trying to catch a bus but not get run over! The company can’t even sell advertising on the busses to companies. Last time I rode the bus, they had one company with the same advertisement plastered about ten times in the inside of the bus. And there was space for other advertisers still left! Plus, the other signs inside the busses—there’s about a million telling riders what to NOT do, like crucial things like don’t spit sunflower shells in the bus—look like they were written by a fifth grader and are full of typos and grammatical errors.

I can tell this is a horrible company to work for too. Most drivers are a miserable bunch of unhelpful bastards. Drivers don’t stop for you and will often hassle people over anything no matter how small. They won’t wait for you if you want on and they’re about to leave. I’ve seen drivers yelling at pedestrians crossing the street, pedestrians who have the right of way! The bus driver didn’t bother to see if anyone was crossing the street before making a left turn and then blamed a pedestrian for his own ignorance. One time I saw a bus miss a turn and try to back up in the middle of the street… he drove right into a car behind him. These transit drivers are a bloody hazard! Don’t believe me? Last year transit drivers made the news when one driver ran over someone downtown and another was involved in a major collision on Clarence. I guess these guys missed the part of driving lesson where they tell you to check both ways before stepping on the gas.

Sask Transit management should visit ANY other metropolitan center in Canada to see how public transit should be run.

Why I hate Saskatoon

People in Saskatoon seem to think that their city is better than Regina. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black--Saskatoon easily is as bit a shithole as Regina. Here's why:


1) Everyone drives slower than the retired.
2) Clueless drivers that don’t respect pedestrians, crosswalks, and even traffic lights.
3) Downtown has no real attractions and is dead… all the time.
4) No downtown nightlife.
5) People think Tim Hortons has “good” coffee.
6) They elect people like MP Maurice Vellacot…. year in year out. And then complain about the conservatism of Sask Party MLAs.
7) Home to some of the highest crime rates in Canada.
8) Maybe 3 good restaurants in a sized city that should have 20-30.
9) Can’t sustain a downtown grocery store open but can keep 3 Walmarts PACKED.
10) No gas stations (sorry, the 20th and Idylewild one doesn’t count).
11) There are no public beaches in a city with a river running through it.
12) River swimming is not allowed, due to hydrophobia than actual danger.
13) Road construction projects take weeks, sometimes months, to undertake… where in other cities it would take days.
14) No sidewalks on the busiest part of Circle Drive North.
15) People are incredibly poor tippers… when they tip at all.
16) Pubs and restaurants never cut off or give the boot to drunk patrons… they are allowed to cause as much trouble as they like.
17) Has the slowest service in restaurants anywhere.
18) Frumpily dressed people everywhere.
19) No tourism industry whatsoever.... seeing a Manitoba license plate is even rare.
20) Drop in medical clinics are always backed up and you can wait 2-3 hours to see a doctor in the “Home of Healthcare.”
21) Few signs that private entrepreneurship is encouraged.
22) Excess TV time devoted to farm and crop reports when agriculture makes up less than 10% of the provincial economy.
23) Newscasts devoid of any real newsworthy content.
24) Newscasters dress and look like 80s prom nightmares.
25) Some city streets aren’t swept to clean up road dirt in the spring until… summer.
26) Crappy, expensive to ride public transit system that shuts down too early/runs too infrequently.
27) People frown on public transit as ‘for the poor people who can’t afford a car.”
28) Junk Pontiac Sunfires…. everywhere.
29) No signs of logical civic planning… i.e. they let large lots of downtown real estate sit unused for years (i.e. the old King George Hotel and put a big ugly movie theatre on prime downtown near-waterfront property.
30) The WORST public bus system EVER – people think the bus is for poor people.
31) When the city bus drivers aren’t busy driving over people, they are just plain rude.
32) Crappy roads and potholes that go without repair.
33) Unsynchronized traffic lights on main roads in the city.
34) No bike lanes anywhere…. even though the city has one of the highest number of bike commuters in Canada.
35) Crappy, apathetic service at oh so many retail shops.
36) They can’t think of a better name for historical Victoria Bridge than to call it the “Traffic Bridge.”
37) Poor city planning i.e. traffic lights, crosswalks in poor locations.
38) Insufficient number of garbage cans and maintenance in main areas….as a result, street festivals (i.e. The Fringe) are garbagefests.
39) Overweight people everywhere… and junk food/candy vending machines galore.
40) Drunk driving seems acceptable to many, and the police never have roadblocks to stop them either.
41) You have to pay to park in the Midtown Mall lot… they charge you to go to the mall to spend your money.
42) the malls SUCK—people think the Gap is high end fashion.
43) Native culture is seen as a problem and not celebrated as in other parts of Canada.
44) There is public support for a lobby group sympathetic to the cops that killed Stonechild.
45) Few boutique shops… instead, tons of big ugly box stores.
46) The Star Phoenix is a rag.
47) You can count the number of ethnic food import shops on one hand… sorry, Cheese Warehouse just doesn’t cut it.
48) No specialty wine shops… and shitty liquor store selection.
49) Road lines always need repainting.
50) No rent controls for the home of socialism.
51) People don’t pick up after their dogs—spring should be called shit melt.
52) They charge people to get a pet license for their cats and dogs but never enforce it.
53) All the city firework displays (Canada Day, the Ex) are incredibly lame.
54) City Hall does nothing about the 20th St. problem.
55) The mayor is stupid enough to make racist comments in front of Indians at the First Nations University… and still gets elected by a landslide.



Yes, I am MOVING out of province!