Monday, July 7, 2008

Music for Saskatchewan


(Meant to be sung to the melody of “Rockstar” by Nickelback)

I’m through with idling in line
For Timmy's drive through window
It’s like endless time
With no Timbits to go
This life hasn’t turned out
But I don’t know what else to be

I want to pay more rent
For the same shitty hole
And a bathroom someone once got stabbed in
And a king sized gut enough
For ten big macs

I’ll need a 06 sunfire that’s got 200k
And some big black dice for my rearview mirror
Gonna go to Canadian Tire
And buy a flared clip-on tailpipe

I want to go to Regina and pay eighty bucks
To see the Rider’s lose ‘cause they really do suck
And then bitch about the refs
As though they lost the game for the green

I’d never trade this life for fortune and fame
I’ll never leave this province because I’m scared of change


‘Cause we all just wanna be Tommy Douglas
and live on Spadina Crescent driving two Sunfires
The girls come easy and the Pil’ comes cheap
We’ll all stay fat from all the candy we eat
And we’ll hang out in the coolest bars
Like the BP lounge with the drunk bar stars
Every good prairie girl’s
Gonna wind up there
Every muffin top
With black roots and blonde hair
Then we’ll do donuts around MidTown Plaza
And wonder why Diva’s has only guys going there
We’ll talk about the Rider’s as though someone cares
Everybody’s got Vern’s Pizza on speed dial

Hey, hey I’m Saskatchewan
Hey, hey I’m Saskatchewan


Anonymous said...

I don't know who you are, but you're spot on and fantastic! I didn't think it was possible for anyone to hate this insufferable place more than me, but incredibly, you do! It's refreshing to see someone else who actually "gets it" in this wasteland of stunned clueless flatliners. Love you man!

alan_johnstone said...

To the blog creator and Anonymous - there's lots of buses and planes leaving here daily - catch one of them, and we'll all be better off. Advice - don't be such a drain on your new home, the people there won't appreciate it very much.

Werner said...

How the Ontario insurance company that couldn't get it's employees to move out here despite generous allowances.

Anonymous said...