GO RIDERS..... GO AWAY, THAT IS!

Well the Grey Cup is in Calgary this Sunday and the Riders somehow have made into the final. I am so glad I am not in the province to have to endure the crazed Rider fans. It is hard to explain to people the religious zeal people there have for their CFL team. If only Saskies took the same pride and passion that they have for the Riders to actually improve the province.... oh well.

As long as I lived there, I never was part of the "Rider Nation." This is likely because I could never pass the immigration test. It involves drinking a case of 'Pil all to yourself, putting a watermelon helmet on your head, painting your vehicle green, and doing burn outs in a wheat field with your Sunfire to spell out "RIDER PRIDE." Once you do this and get your papers, you then get to enjoy the benefits of citizenship, which is bascailly paying ridiculous prices to watch the Riders in Commonwealth Stadium (usually losing).

The following images are my annotated top five reasons to avoid being in Calgary this weekend.



The mascot in Saskatchewan is a gopher. Gophers are the scourge of the Prairies since they wreak havoc on crops and dig holes all over the place which can injure people and livestock. Kids shoot these pests for fun. Yet they chose to have this vermin as their mascot. Apparently, having a giant gopher dancing around the legislative chamber floor is an acceptable part of the parliamentary process in SK.



More people are injured in Saskatchewan from watermelon carving incidents than any other thing in Saskatchewan. Five seconds after this photo was taken, this man was halfway there to an appendectomy.

The scary thing about this fellow is that he did this to himself, trying to crush a can on his head.

Saskatchewan Transformers. Run for your lives!

Concussion, from the Latin term concussus ("action of striking together"), is the most common type of traumatic brain injury. The terms mild brain injury, mild traumatic brain injury (MTBI), mild head injury (MHI), and minor head trauma and concussion may be used interchangeably.

Fall in Saskatchewan

It is so nice NOT living in Saskatchewan, especially at this time of year.

My memories of fall in SK – although I must preface my comments with the fact that there is no such thing as a fall season there (only summer and winter) – are a painful recollection of the following:

1) Waiting in line at the mechanic shop to get snow tires put on. The entire population of Sask waits until now to get snow tires put on. Go to Canadian Tire or any tire shop at this time of year and you can expect to wait hour after hour to get your tires put on. You will be sitting so long in the waiting room that you’ll be able to read an entire year’s worth of Tractor Digest Magazine (#1 best seller in Saskatchewan)

2) Waiting too long to put up the outdoor Christmas lights. It can get so cold so fast in SK that if you wait too long, you simply can’t put up lights. Imagine standing on a ladder in -40 degree weather trying to hammer in funny little light hangers with gloves on. It can’t be done!

3) Forgetting to bring in the garden hose before the cold sets in. It’s bad enough dragging in a heavy stiff hose full of frozen water. It’s worse when that water melts in your garage and spills all over the place.

4) Not covering up your non-indigenous annuals with straw or leaves. One overnight cold snap can kill all of those beautiful flowers you planted that spring. Kiss away that $200 you spent on bulbs at Home Depot.

5) Halloween: where you get to spend $50 on candy to give out to 15 year olds up to 10:00pm on Halloween. Only in Saskatchewan is trick-or-treating considered acceptable well into puberty. Be warned: if you question their age, expect to wake up with egg all over your house.

6) Canadian Tire flyers. Expect a steady stream of sales of the following for the next 6 months: sidewalk salt, Sorel boots, snow shovels, winter tire sales, battery warmers, etc… you get the point. The sheer volume of the Canadire Tire flyers that came through my door is culprit for major global deforestation. It also exacerbates the need for curbside recycling in Saskatoon, something the mayor think isn't necessary, and he is not alone.

7) My car in pain. Automobiles were not made for Prairie winters (nor were sane humans) and it starts to show this time of year. Expect your vehicle to creak and groan in pain as the cold sets in. Sounds like the Titanic must have as it slipped below the icy Atlantic. In SK be sure to not leave your care outside for too long or your tires will get a flat spot and you’ll get treated to a bumpy ride home, that is, if you can start it in the first place (should have bought that battery warmer from Canadian Tire after all!)

8) Those fugly xmas decorations on College St Bridge. Imagine horrible ugly tinsel from 1980 formed into the shape of poinsettias. Then add 29 years worth of road grime, dirt, and salt. These beauties are strung from the light post all across the bridge and they stay there nearly until the spring. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

R.I.P Garbage Dump Ski Hill

Well, it saddens me to see read last week that the infamous Blackstrap Ski Hill -- a giant mound of garbage converted into a ski hill -- is being permanently closed.



(to non-Saskies: no, this is not a joke post. There really is such a thing there.)

According to the story, the government failed to find a private owner and is thus closing the facility and selling off the assets.

Who knows the real story behind this all, and whether a real attempt was made to keep the "Whistler of the Prairies" afloat. I personally think this ski hill should have been privatized long ago, and if this was not possible to achieve (which I am suspsect was the case as the story suggests) it should have been closed many years earlier.

There is hope though - as long as the city is opposed to the adoption of a recycling program, the garbage dump will continue to grow. Don't think of it as wasteful dumping ina landfill - think of it as a ski hill development opportunity!

Oh well. Polish off those cross country skis!

R.I.P. Blackstrap and wasteful govt subsidization!

Why Saskatooners say NO to recycling: It's GARBAGE!

Below are ccomments written in response to the Star Phoenix story noted in my previous post on local resistance to the adoption of a curbside recycling pickup program in Saskatoon. As you can see, at least some locals are still opposed to the creation of a recycling program, including the mayor himself.

For those of you not from the rectangle of regression, these comments give you insight into the mindset that exists there (all typos and idiocy are original).

You can't make this stuff up!


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td

How is recycling any good?
You drive a car to the drop off bins.
Before you tree huugers types told me not to use a car. Now you say go to recycle bins. Make up your mind.
I will not pay to have some body pick up recyles.
I'll just put them in the garbage and save money and gas

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Monty

It is still unsightly, I do not want to see garbage on the front curbs. I like the idea of bins located around the city. Drop off your recycles, then go shopping. Best example is the green bin behind the grocery store on Main and Broadway. Before you shove something else down my mouth like River Landing, give me some options. Recycling is a good thing, but also keep in mind the company that does this produces materials they sell. So why does the recycle company get to double dip? Maybe if these goods were as valuable as we are lead to believe then the recycle company should pay us for our garbage. Last, we all ready have taxes imposed on us at point of purchase to cover the garbage cost from deposits to flat out garbage tax like the new one on computers. Why is this money not re directed back to recycling pick up? Governments are fast to take money from us and we are fast to forget about it untill the day we wake up broke. It isn't that an extra $12 will kill me, but I have lived here for all my life and have just made enough to get by. That $12 should be going into an RRSP or it will be your children paying for me as an old timer.

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Anonymous

Blue boxes; where I get to pay some one to take my garbage, to in turn obtain raw materials to make a profit while I pay the city to pick up my garbage.

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Mark

Instead of this why not have bins at designated drop off depots in numerous spots where we can take our recycle goods? This works fine in other cities.
I also dislike looking at peoples garbage sitting on the curb.

Just say NO to recycling

Most Canadians would agree that recycling is an accepted practice, a part of our daily way of life. We reuse what we can to minimize what we put into landfills and impact our landscape. In the age of global warming, most would agree that we are obligated to do what we can to limit our environmental impact. Alas, not so in Saskatoon. There, the raging debate of the day is whether to start curbside recycling pickup.

*sound of a record needle screeching*

Yep. In the ever-proud "Paris of the Prairies," the current hot municipal topic of the day is whether or not City Hall will start curb side recycling pick up. You see, Saskatoon does not have any form of recycling pickup service currently. If you want to recycle your glass, tin, or paper items, you have two options:

1- drive your car (creating emissions) to depots (mostly located on the outskirts of town) to drop off these goods.
2-pay an annual fee for a private company (~$120 a year) to come by your house to pick up your recyclables.

Right now, the mayoral race is debating whether to start curbside pickup. http://www.thestarphoenix.com/technology/City+eyes+recycling+plan+mayor/2095341/story.html And incumbent Don Atcheson is opposed to the plan. Isnt that lovely. Am I ever glad to not live in 'Toontown' any more. What a joke! What is this 1980? Nope, it's Saskatoon, where unfortunately, yes, it's still 1980.

Only in SK is recycling seen as a bad thing. Might as well say that global warming is a fiction. Then again, Saskies likely dont even know what global warming is. Those people might as well make an impassioned argument about how recycling is an impediment to the development of local ski hill development (for those of you not from SK, the local ski hill in Saskatoon is a former garbage dump. Imagine: a frozen pile of garbage....... then wake up screaming).

When I lived in Saskatoon, I remember throwing away countless glass jars, tin cans, bottles, and all sorts of recyclable items in the trash. I felt bad about it until I got used to it. After a while I didnt even bother crushing the cans. Stores that sell containers dont even accept them back for deposit. Instead you have to drive to Sarcan to wait in a horrbile line in a stinky hellhole full of bums and rusty shopping carts... and in the end you get less deposit that what you even paid! What, am I supposed to look upon it as a stupidity tax?

When in Rome anyone? Every house in Stoon gets a giant garbage container for trash (I now see apartments here in BC with the same size container for several suites) so why the hell not. It encourages people to throw away things that might be diverted from landfills and who know, converted into maybe useful things again! What a novel thought!

Good luck, Don - this rivals the time to delivered a racist rant at the First Nations University about "Indians" as part of your campaign strategy. You got elected then so I expect you to get re-elected by the masses with your anti-recycling policies. Saskatchewan looks like it is not quite ready to give up its title as one of Canada's worst poluuters. Long live the 1980s!

Grant Devine to Receive Order of Merit? WTF???

During all my years I thought that the Order of Merit was something special, something given to people of.... well.... merit. Not in Saskatchewan.

Enter disgraced former premier Grant Devine:

This is the man who:

-presided over one of the largest scandals perpetrated by a Canadian government
-racked up the provincial debt like no other and nothing to show for it
-ruined the Conservative Party in SK
-liked to make anti-gay slurs

Today, it was announced that he is going to receive the Order of Merit. I know it's hard to believe so read the official news release yourself: http://www.gov.sk.ca/news?newsId=aadc9fa0-c095-4f9e-a066-9c2ac59d255f

I never had much respect for Saskatchewan Party leader and now Premier Brad Wall, an opinion shaped solely by his decision to keep his Fred Durst wanna-be sideburns after becoming premier. Now I have none.

This just goes to show where the Saskatchewan Party's loyalties lie..... Political patronage at it's worst. What next - give Brian Mulroney the Order of Canada??? DOH!

What an embarrassment!

Top Ten Survival Tips for Ex-Pat Saskatchwaners:

Having lived out of the province for long enough, I’ve assembled a list of survival tips for Saskatchewan ex-pats. If you are considering the move out of the rectangle of regression, read these carefully or run the risk of appearing like a fish out of water, kind of like Brendan Fraser in Encino Man: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xkTN1Z1rTQ

1) Immediately ditch the t-shirt with the dumb sayings on the front (i.e. “Not everything on the prairies is flat,” “Baba gave me beer money,” anything with a John Deere logo, etc.) Wearing these shirts will blow your cover.
2) Learn to enjoy the mountains. Don’t worry – the “Lions” in Vancouver are not real lions.
3) Enjoy the exotic delights of the fresh fish section of a grocery store. Yes, all those strange creatures are edible.
4) Feel reassured that the entire provincial economy doesn’t depend solely on potash, and its plummeting prices.
5) Don’t ask for a “Pil” at the bar. They not know what you mean, and perhaps this is best.
6) Forget what a “bunnyhug” is. Non-Saskies will not know what you speak of, and again, this is prolly best.
7) There are a LOT of ex-Saskatchewan’ers in other provinces. When you meet one such ex-pat, be sure to laud how wonderful Saskatchewan is, but and then agree that you will ever go back for any reason. Ever.
8) Go to a BC Lions home game. See for yourself what asses Rider fans can be when they are out of their element. Indeed, getting smash drunk and wearing a watermelon on your head isn’t so funny when you’re the only one.
9) Don’t be afraid to take the bus. BC’s major cities have well-developed public transit systems. But don’t worry about taking the bus – taking public transit in BC is perfectly normal and is not akin to saying “I wish I could afford a Sunfire but can’t.”
10) Never start a conversation by saying, “How great would it be to have an NDP government again.” You may not like the responses you get.

These tips will help you to recover from the memory of Saskatchewan. Purge it from your mind. Soon it will be forgotten like a horrible, horrible dream.

An Un-Fond Farewell

To all my loyal readers: the time has come for me to bid adieu to this wretched province. Like so many before me, I am leaving Saskatchewan for another province - BC to be exact. I hear it is the best place on earth so I consider the move a slight upgrade. Maybe Saskatchewan should consider changing its license plate motto to something more accurate like:


Saskatchewan: We Apologize in Advance
Saskatchewan: A Great Place to Drive Through
Saskatchewan: At Least It Can't Get any Worse
Saskatchewan: Come and Live the Nightmare
Saskatchewan: Yes, the Jokes are All True
Saskatchewan: Take the Smorgasboard Tour
Saskatchewan: Sunfire Hotspot
Saskatchewan: Canada's Heart Disease Sanctuary
Saskatchewan: Imagine a Broke Alberta
Saskatchewan: Atkins Diet Killed Our Economy!
Saskatchewan: Canada's Largest Retirement Home
Saskatchewan: Canadian Tire's Parish
Saskatchewan: Seafood is Against the Law
Saskatchewan: And I Thought You Were Kidding About This Place!
Saskatchewan: Where the History is more Interesting than the Future
Saskatchewan: Kill me Please!
Saskatchewan: It's Just like the Movie: The Village

and of course....
Saskatchewan: The Worst Place on Earth


So long!

Pay to Live in Saskatchewan?

News Story 24-Mar-2009 Vancouver Sun

Saskatchewan to harvest graduates

Recent Toronto university and college graduates hard-hit by tuition debt and bleak job opportunities in the economic recession will be offered some relief -- to the tune of $20,000 each -- when a team of Saskatchewan politicians visits the city next week. All they have to do is move to Saskatchewan.
As part of a special mission to Toronto, the Saskatchewan government will announce an incentive program for post-secondary graduates who relocate to Saskatchewan for a minimum of seven years. The program is part of the province's aggressive effort to fill thousands of jobs currently available in Saskatchewan, despite the recession.
Next week's mission will consist of a contingent of about 25 representatives from the province, including Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall and the mayors of Saskatoon and Regina, who will pitch employment opportunities in the province.

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So Saskatchewan is so desperate for people that it is now willing to buy immigrants? But I thought people were moving back to the homeland in droves?!? What gives? Did all of the family already come back?

Let me see if I have this straight: 20,000 in incentives over seven years for new immigrants…..that works out to less than $3,000 a year for seven years. What a joke! I would pay that much NOT to have to move back to Saskatchewan. Plus seven years in Saskatchewan is about as long as a life sentence. This offer reminds me of a prison scene out of Cool Hand Luke: "Sometimes," Paul Newman's character states, "nothing is a real cool hand"

The government might as well offer other cool “perks” such as:

Free snow!
Over-inflated real estate prices!
Free bag of perogies for every new migrant!*
Unlimited taxation!
Overpriced home rental costs!
10% off all smorgasboards (West side only)
All the muffin tops you want!**


*sour cream not included.
**actual muffins are excluded from this offer.

Seriously though, what kind of enticement is 3,000 a year? Why not offer a real amount to entice people to move and for a more reasonable period? Saskatchewan sure has done a great job up to this point of offering reasons NOT to live in the province.

Sadly I will not be participating in this program, but not that my love for the Great Buffet of China could ever diminish.