Sunday, October 25, 2009

Fall in Saskatchewan

It is so nice NOT living in Saskatchewan, especially at this time of year.

My memories of fall in SK – although I must preface my comments with the fact that there is no such thing as a fall season there (only summer and winter) – are a painful recollection of the following:

1) Waiting in line at the mechanic shop to get snow tires put on. The entire population of Sask waits until now to get snow tires put on. Go to Canadian Tire or any tire shop at this time of year and you can expect to wait hour after hour to get your tires put on. You will be sitting so long in the waiting room that you’ll be able to read an entire year’s worth of Tractor Digest Magazine (#1 best seller in Saskatchewan)

2) Waiting too long to put up the outdoor Christmas lights. It can get so cold so fast in SK that if you wait too long, you simply can’t put up lights. Imagine standing on a ladder in -40 degree weather trying to hammer in funny little light hangers with gloves on. It can’t be done!

3) Forgetting to bring in the garden hose before the cold sets in. It’s bad enough dragging in a heavy stiff hose full of frozen water. It’s worse when that water melts in your garage and spills all over the place.

4) Not covering up your non-indigenous annuals with straw or leaves. One overnight cold snap can kill all of those beautiful flowers you planted that spring. Kiss away that $200 you spent on bulbs at Home Depot.

5) Halloween: where you get to spend $50 on candy to give out to 15 year olds up to 10:00pm on Halloween. Only in Saskatchewan is trick-or-treating considered acceptable well into puberty. Be warned: if you question their age, expect to wake up with egg all over your house.

6) Canadian Tire flyers. Expect a steady stream of sales of the following for the next 6 months: sidewalk salt, Sorel boots, snow shovels, winter tire sales, battery warmers, etc… you get the point. The sheer volume of the Canadire Tire flyers that came through my door is culprit for major global deforestation. It also exacerbates the need for curbside recycling in Saskatoon, something the mayor think isn't necessary, and he is not alone.

7) My car in pain. Automobiles were not made for Prairie winters (nor were sane humans) and it starts to show this time of year. Expect your vehicle to creak and groan in pain as the cold sets in. Sounds like the Titanic must have as it slipped below the icy Atlantic. In SK be sure to not leave your care outside for too long or your tires will get a flat spot and you’ll get treated to a bumpy ride home, that is, if you can start it in the first place (should have bought that battery warmer from Canadian Tire after all!)

8) Those fugly xmas decorations on College St Bridge. Imagine horrible ugly tinsel from 1980 formed into the shape of poinsettias. Then add 29 years worth of road grime, dirt, and salt. These beauties are strung from the light post all across the bridge and they stay there nearly until the spring. MERRY CHRISTMAS!


Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, I am so glad that there is someone out there who hates Saskatchewan as much as I. I think the best option for the province is to turn it into garbage dump for North America (possible ski-hill potential- haha). Thank God I am also moving to BC in April and can leave this barren wasteland and never look back. Thanks for your posts- it's nice to know I'm not the only one in Saskatoon who has to pretend they like it here.

Bill said...

If I was a friend or relative of this blog author, I'd be ashamed to be associated with him. Anyone this vile will be a liability, not an asset, to any place he lives. I'm sure he is already biting his lip, trying to hold in the things he wants to say about his new home (hey, can't discredit the anti-Sask blog, right?).
Anonymous, you might have a shred of decency left in you - don't model yourself after the anti-social joker who maintains this site.

Anonymous said...

Hey! Great blog and great post too! I lived in Saskatoon for ten months a couple of years ago and everything you say here is true. I really love the “Tractor Digest” thing! Lol..keep posting!

Daralyn said...

Leaving for Southern Ontario in mid-April.. Greener pastures and civilizations.
As I type this, I am looking out over the expanse of brown countryside with it's stunted trees, abandoned farms and towns...
I cannot believe I have lived here this long without slitting my throat.
I came to work in the healthcare field of rural Saskatchewan... I have lasted 3 years and am now borderline legally insane. Sweet Lord Jesus, what was I thinking...

I just found out yesterday that the owner of the local bar likes to give his Golden Lab alcoholic drinks in the bar and this gives great pleasure to the toothless, mindless patrons... Dear God, only 2 weeks to go.