Pay to Get Rough Ridden

It's been reported before: in Saskatchewan, politics and sports aren't just friendly pals, they boldly go hand in hand. So this news shouldn't come as any surprise: the Saskatchewan government announced today that they are issuing special Saskatchewan Roughrider license plates to commemorate their beloved provincial CFL football team. It wouldn't seem so illegal if the practice wasn’t the accepted norm in SK.

To anyone who has lived in the Rectangle of Regression, this cannot come as a surprise. The Roughriders are so openly-loved in Saskatchewan to the point that it's just plain awkward. Rider fans are known as the Rider Nation. They have Rider Pride. They like it rough. They fly colours. If one didn't know about this infamous CFL team, one might assume this is all part of some elaborate same-sex rights campaign. Well, it's not - at least as far as I know - but the motions are the same.

The commemorative plates come in several varieties. Be sure to ask for these specific ones when you visit SGI!

More SK License Plates

You know summer is coming when you start to see Saskatchewan license plates in BC. I don’t know what is more amazing – the fact that a Pontiac automobile made the journey all the way across the Rocky Mountains without blowing up, or the fact that the same people who never tip more than 10% for a meal will pay the extra fee to get personalized plates. More on this topic to come....

What a Watrousity

If you grew up in Saskatchewan you’re pretty likely to have been to Watrous at some point in your life – the home of Manitou Springs Hotel and Spa. This spa is a fixture in the province, located on the shore of a salt lake in the middle of nowhere. It consists of a series of indoor pools pumped full of heated lake water. The water is very high in salt content and therefore buoyant, so one can float around effortlessly on the surface much like in the Dead Sea. Manitou’s water contains minerals that is said to have special health-giving properties.

Like so many things in Saskatchewan, the unfortunate part is in the execution. Instead of this spa being a world class resort offering a luxury getaway, it is a run-down and shabby dump that has to be seen to be believed.

The hotel’s promotional picture:

Here's what it really looks like:

As you can see, the “healing waters” are the colour of urine. Worse, the pools are never cleaned so they have a coating of black muck on them, so much that one cannot see the bottom or sides of the pool. To top it all off, seniors seem to love to flock to the spa, so much that on any given day, you will find hoards of old people in swimsuits floating around motionless on their backs. It's actually a lot like that bathtub scene from the movie The Shining.

Saskatchewan's Dead Sea

Scary.

I went to Watrous in my younger years and my experiences there were not exactly like those one might get on a vacation, say, at Disneyland. I distinctly remember recoiling at the sight of the yellow water and the flotillas of senior-submarines creepily bobbing around like motionless cadavers. When I mustered the courage to actually go into the pool, I got a burning feeling all over my body from the water. It was truly gross.

Why am I mentioning all this now? This month, Saskatchewan health officials closed the facility down, citing health risks. Apparently the pool’s filtering system has not been functioning properly for years and management has repeatedly failed to fix the problem. Now visitors of the hotel are stuck in a town with nothing else to do. Perhaps even worse, seniors across the province have nowhere to do the deadman float. Don't worry though, no-one will complain. This is Saskatchewan, after all.

Now that Manitou spa is closed, as is the former garbage dump turned ski hill known as Blackstrap, where will vacationing Saskatchewaners go?

0 to 100 in a century, flat

Well, storms, floods, and locusts must be approaching, as I recently heard that Saskatoon is getting a Porsche dealership. The story says that it is a sign that the city is "growing up."

I’m not sure which is the funnier part about this story: 1) the fact that a city as big as Saskatoon doesn’t have a Porsche dealership yet, or 2) the fact that someone would suggest that the city is in fact “growing up.”

Maybe it’s the latter. Keep in mind that Saskatoon is a city over a hundred years old. This would mean that the city is about the slowest to develop in Canada. To use a metaphor, the city is akin to a full-grown adult who hates baths and still plays with Tonka trucks. Or, to be more precise, John Deere tractor toys.

No doubt, Saskatchewan is the most handy-capable province in Canada but I’m not going to dwell on that here. Nor am I going to debate the principle whether Saskatchewan should have a Porsche dealership at all (contrary to socialist doctrine).

Rather, I’m dedicating this post to celebrating the real automobile that symbolizes Saskatchewan: the Pontiac Sunfire. I don’t care if Porsches start rolling down 2nd Ave by the hundreds. No turbo 911 will ever displace the Sunfire as the official pace car of Saskatchewan. The province is Sunfire country, baby, and never forget it!

Enjoy the images below of these beauties, taken from the local used classifieds.

Buy it now and the owner will throw in a sweet 1990s colour splash

Sweet! The door works on this one.

Sunfires look best when you kneel down to look at them…. with your eyes closed that is.

Terrible colour – you’ll never find your car at a wheat field party.

Wash your car before selling it? Pah! Not in Saskatchewan! That might be precius potash dust.

The seats may be vinyl but the steering wheel is 100% genuine cowhide. The owner should know, he killed the cow himself

One of these two vehicles is still running. HINT: it doesnt rhyme with Sunfire.

For women in SK, driving a white Sunfire is akin to wearing white at a wedding. Purity.

Just like the car in Knight Rider – no human brain required to drive it.

Comes with subs – guaranteed to pump out Nickelback like no-one’s business.